March 21, 2009
Robert Pattinson didn't invent the smokin'-hot vampire. Before his army of chastity-lovin' Twilight tweens came along, bloodsuckers were synonymous with S-E-X. Hooking up with a citizen of the underworld meant steamy nights in cramped caskets, making out upside-down in the rafters and illicit fang bangs.
So as Rob Pattz prepares for a massive home invasion with this weekend's DVD release, we look back on the absolute hottest vampires not in Twilight.
Here's our top 9, with No. 10 left open for you to decide (and based on the comments, it looks like you already have):
1. Kiefer Sutherland, The Lost Boys: Proof that the undead can still rock! Sutherland and his glam gang of pasty pals sleep all day, party all night, and toss hilariously camp lines like "You'll never grow old, and you'll never die. But you must feeeeeed!"
2. Nicolas Cage, Vampire's Kiss: His (figuratively) soulless literary agent gets a hickey from a mysterious woman and is convinced he's a vampire. How could you not adore a caped Cage running down the street screaming "I'm a vampire!" Some say eating a real-life wriggling roach for a movie isn't hot, but those people are wrong.
3. Brad Pitt, Interview With the Vampire: So many wistful afternoons are spent dreaming of Pitt's Louis from this flick-so where did he go? Really, Brad, get over the "serious actor" trip, grab some extensions and fangs, and get out of the coffin and into my car!
4. Salma Hayek, From Dusk Till Dawn: As an uncredited stripper/vampire queen in the Quentin Tarantino-Robert Rodriguez flick, she only has one scene. Where she grinds a python. In a bikini. On George Clooney's table. You're welcome.
5. Tom Cruise, Interview With the Vampire: Lestat's pad is without a doubt one of the hottest spots in Hollywood's batcave. Hey, remember that part when he wrapped his mouth around that cold, scaly, reptilian creature so he could stay alive-oh, no, wait, that was Eyes Wide Shut. Whoops!
6. Susan Sarandon, The Hunger: She doesn't want to suckle just anyone's blood-she lusts after the lady blood. Decked out in shoulder pads and a sherm perm, the woman-on-woman scene in this slick little vamp flick is off the chain! It brings to mind only one word: VILF.
7. William Marshall, Blacula: He's deadlier than Dracula-he's Blacula. The ladies say his bite was outta sight!
8. Jim Carrey, Once Bitten: He's adorable as an chaste teenager hunted by an undead countess thirsty for virgin blood. It raises a puzzling question, though: What's more rare in the L.A. dating scene in-a vampire or a virgin? Also, this is the worst movie ever made about Los Angeles-besides Crash.
9. Kate Beckinsale, Underworld: She's one juicy piece of dead! Armed with clingy tops, tight pleather and plenty of guns, this vampire warrior defends her cadre of hemophiles against their sworn unkempt enemies: werewolves. Who are, let's be clear, not hot.
10. You Tell Us! Judging by your comments so far, it's clear that David Boreanaz's Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer is the front-runner to make this list. Disagree? Are you thinking more like Wesley Snipes? Gary Oldman? Bla Lugosi? Count Chocula? Drop your favorite bloodsucker in the comments!